24 Hours in Patong, Thailand

It has been a few years since the tsunami rode through the streets of Patong in Phuket, Thailand; old buildings not strong enough to withstand the force of the waves were unceremoniously reduced to rubble and those that withstood the torrents were due some remodelling.

Loud music and loud nights in Patong

So what has happened in the intervening years? Has Patong, with its reputation for sleaziness and hedonism, gone soft? Have the Russians completely taken over? Can you still get a suit in a day? Are the beaches purged of the spirits of the departed? To answer these questions and delve into the belly of the beast spend 24 hours in Patong with me and let’s see how we feel in the morning!

My Air Asia flight arrived on time from Bangkok to Phuket airport situated to the north of the island. Bags in hand I made it through the hustle of the taxi drivers crowded at the exit and boarded the new minibus to Patong. This was a big improvement at 150Baht compared to the usual 500-600 baht for a taxi. The downside is that you can run around a little and they stop at a travel agent just outside Patong to sell you a hotel if you need one and to confirm the drop offs in Patong.

When I lived here a few years ago I had an apartment so now it was my chance to see the most budget of accommodations and rest my head at the Patong Backpackers. Surprisingly it is a well kept and moderate joint; 300 baht air con dorm rooms, clean toilets and showers, free Wi-Fi and slap bang next to Bangla Road and the beach. Security is good and the 24 hour access is essential in this party paradise.

Racha Yai Island off Phuket

It’s hot, damn hot; with the mercury at 35C and humidity to match I decided to head to the beach and cool off in the water….at about 30C! Still it did provide some relief from the heat although being pretty shallow you had to wade out a good distance to get any depth. The sea was calm but a little murky, just sand from the bottom, however I chose not to dip my head completely under the water. The thought of all that runoff from the bars, restaurants and hotels was not that appealing.

Patong always had a reputation for Jet Ski madness and I could see that although not abated at least there was now defined swimming areas to keep the manic tourists from ploughing you down while having a gentle swim. The noise was not as bad as I remembered it and I managed to find some free sand to bake out and get a coke at a reasonable price. Although the Thai baht is strong compared to previous years it is still damn cheap to feed yourself if you know where to go. Even on the beach, chairs in the sand, it is possible to get a nice lunch cooked fresh for 60-80 baht, just a couple of dollars. Compare that with McD and the like at 160 baht for the standard burger fries and coke!

Me singing at Irish Pub Scruffy Murphy’s at the bottom of Bangla Road

After the beach I took a drive up to Blue Point overlooking Patong on the small peninsula. Yachts lay languid in the perfect bay of Patong as the breeze moved in and the sun set dramatically blood red over the Andaman Sea. It’s not a cliché, I find it this place very beautiful and the scene repeats itself every evening, perfect with a cold beer in hand.
Refreshed after a shower and a siesta it was time to brave the night and the infamous Bangla Road.

I decided to head first to Junk Ceylon, the new shopping and entertainment complex planted dead centre and under construction when I was last here. Previously getting to a good supermarket and anything resembling kosher international brands required a death defying motorbike ride up the most dangerous hill in Thailand. Now cool air-conditioned shops awaited their clients in a gleaming complex, brand names hugged space with luxury cinemas and a diverse array of eateries with Carrefour supermarket providing just about every staple and more that both the tourists and expat crave.

But enough of this shallow and vacuous shopping…take me to the hot spots you say..okay…okay, you asked for it!
Neon lights sucking in the punters, tuk-tuk taxis barking their horns at passersby, thumping dance music, live bands, Ladyboys dancing in Priscilla of the Desert dresses and big, BIG snakes, this is only the start to Bangla!

Neon lights, music, bands, ladyboys, atreet entertainment and even snakes are part of Bangla Road

Everyone is trying to sell you something; little girls proffer toys and miniature dogs to pose with, Handlers with huge lizards on their shoulders scare tourists into parting with a few baht for a photo opportunity and insistent Indian tailors compete to fit you up with a suit. Surely the last thing on your mind as you wander sweat soaked and slightly inebriated along the street.

The bars and pubs call out for your trade, offering cheap drinks and other enticements. The bar girls shout out to men, and women, tempting customers with smiles and more. Stepping into a bar is like running the gauntlet of sorts for a guy as girls grab and tackle a new catch like the professionals that they surely are. Some find this side of life sleazy and distasteful; many come here specifically for the trade and take full advantage of all that is on offer.

Young men are often overwhelmed by the attention, the older guys know exactly what they want and the bar girls, while they may well be exploited it is an essential form of revenue for them and they are masters of their trade. Many foreigners, farang to the Thai people, become enamoured with the girls and have relationships that go on year after year…….

A not too busy moment on a sometimes crowded beach

After avoiding too many grabby girls I successfully negotiated my way into the Irish Pub Scruffy Murphy’s at the bottom of Bangla Road and a calm oasis away from the madness outside. Of course being St Patricks day meant that the oasis was not as calm as expected and Irish fiddle music and songs from the old country were being belted out by Neil the resident musician, I have been known to get up and do a spot myself! Green beer flowed and for a few hours I was transported away from the island to Ireland.

Back on the streets Russian girls dressed to kill were dodging in and out of night clubs, Tiger, Hollywood and Seduction being the most in vogue. Not being a nightclub kind of guy I hung out with a beer and took in the show, a fascinating hour of people watching. Families strolled with their kids, tight shirted muscle bound guys held hands with their diminutive Thai girlfriends, gangs of backpackers searched for cheap deals as others strode purposefully to the bar, and girl/guy/ladyboy of their choice. It is not for everyone and certainly not for every night but the outrageous nightlife is undeniably a memorable experience.

Slightly hung-over the next day, I decided to stroll the beach once more and take in wonderful green hills and turquoise water. I had planned for Scuba diving however my over indulgence from the previous night ruled that out.

I think I will take the rest of the day off!

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